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DunkleBits September 2014 – Random Unsolicited Advice

grilled-steak

The other day on Facebook a friend of mine posted some advice. “Don’t thaw your steaks before grilling them.”

Normally I would file away a bit of random unsolicited advice like this.  But this one pushed me over the random unsolicited edge. “What if I want to marinate my meat before I grill it?!,” I shouted, waking several sleeping kitties and sending them running for cover. They have seen these episodes before.  “Why the heck are you freezing your steaks in the first place? What about not eating red meat at all? Have you thought about that, my random unsolicited friend?”

 

I’m tired of advice. I’m sick of life hacks and 7 productivity tips to make you a NinjaWorkRockStarGuruTM (Number 3 will blow your mind!). I’ve had it with quizzes and surveys and ads that follow me all over the Interweb and apps that follow me all over town (although I’m quite proud of being named Mayor of Savetta’s Psychic Reading – two months running!).  But mostly I’ve had it with people giving me advice.

 

THEREFORE, I am going to start giving the advice around here. Welcome to the first edition of “Ask Ned,” wherein I will solve all of your problems and reveal my secrets for living a happy and fulfilled life (Number 7 will twist your socks and warp your spine! It is not approved for any purpose by the FDA. Fair warning.)

 

Amazingly enough, even though this is the first edition, I already have questions flooding in to neddunkleberger@gmail.com. Be sure to send yours in today!

 

Dear Ned,

I honestly don’t know where to turn, so I am turning to you for advice. Got any?

Yours Truly,

Trudy

 

Dear Trudy,

Get a GPS unit.

Your Pal,

Ned

 

Well, that was easy! Let’s try another. This one is a bit trickier.

 

Dear Ned,

I currently have a decent job in state government but it will end soon. I am thinking about my future and beyond that my future’s future and I am wondering if you can help me. There is an opportunity I am considering applying for, but it is a bit over my head and is practically impossible to succeed in. However, it has great benefits and a solid pension, plus I would get my own airplane! So, should I run for … I mean, apply for this job?

Signed,

Marty

P.S. Should I thaw my steaks before grilling them?

 

Dear Marty,

Oh, hell yeah! Raise a ton of money and chase that dream, but don’t spend too much of it doing so. I hear you get to keep the leftovers when you lose. And you will lose.  Then write me again for investment advice.

Your Pal,

Ned

P.S. Don’t worry about your steaks. You will overcook or undercook or forget to cook them anyway.

 

That was fun! Send me more, please. And don’t forget to floss.

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