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DunkleBits July 2015 – Business is Booming!

Come in were open

WOW! This business friendly new administration is really having an impact on the Mount Washington Village – new businesses are popping up faster than Republication Presidential candidates and they all seem to have just as good a chance too!

The Friendly Forager’s Florist and Foods specializes in “locally sourced” i.e. your gardenfloral arrangements and “inventive” salads and “mysterious” smoothies.  Their slogan “One man’s yard waste is another man’s bouquet, post workout shake, or veggie burger” says it all.

The Pampered Booty is the newest village salon. Located behind the green door in the basement of a reputable business, they offer discrete personal care services including washes, waxes, buffings, bleachings and, on Thursdays after happy hour, spankings. The slogan will take you right back to a childhood trauma long suppressed, “I see your hiney it’s nice and shiny”.

The changing of the guard at the state house isn’t the only O’Malley for Hogan swap going on. Hogan’s Heroes will open soon in the space where O’Malley’s Antiques is now.   They specialize in enormous 2 and a half foot long sandwiches stuffed with an obscene amount pork, lots and lots of cheese and topped with a pile of Crispy Christy fried onion rings. Each sandwich delivers more calories per serving than a week’s worth of school lunches. (Soon to be 2 weeks!)
The Nap Store. I don’t know about you, but when I am out on a shopping excursion, I often have an urgent need to nap. A few couches, some pillows with disposable drool covers, a couple teevees tuned to a Rockford Files rerun on the MeTV Network and zzzzzzz,it’s  nappy time! Once refreshed, it’s Then back to browsing the vintage magazines at 1612 and getting my hair styled at The Ivy.

Our long neighborhood nightmare is over!

After what seemed like weeks without a cupcake store, a new one has opened in the very same space as the old one. You know, that little building near the Whole Foods that is about the size of a toll house. Which begs the obvious question, why wasn’t this a toll house cookie store? Which begs the even more obvious question, when is the last time you got a cookie when you crossed the Bay Bridge? Sure, Hogan plans to reduce the tolls in Maryland and replace the revenue by, uh, by… uh, I have no idea either, but I am sure he has a free market solution in mind… Anyway, if you had voted for me for governor as I asked you to, I would have kept the tolls the same, but given everyone a fresh baked toll house cookie to enjoy as you ventured into the land that time forgot, err, the Eastern shore.

Also, when, oh when will Gerstung ever take my advice and start offering gymnastics camp for cats?

And why doesn’t the bike shop, oh wait, JOE’S LARGE FONT BIKE SHOP, offer bike seat reupholstering? The velour on My Schwin Sting Ray banana seat is looking about as fresh and inviting as the kiddie pool after the 4th of July parade.

Of course all these new businesses are GREAT, but still, please people, Eat Roberto’s Pizza!

Comments

  1. Just in case there is any confusion, this is a humor column and most of these items are totally fictitious. Especially ones about stores with names similar to the former Governor of Maryland.

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