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DunkleBits September 2015 – A Crock of Waterfowl

 

Seagulls

In the July edition of this column there was a statement that could’ve been misconstrued. I stated that O’Malley Antiques in the Village would be leaving its current location and be replaced by a sub shop with the coincidental last name of our new governor, part of a series of changes I suggested were coming to our neighborhood.

This attempt at humor caused some confusion. In all seriousness, O’Malley Antiques is staying right where it is.

Moving right along….

A few weeks ago I was in desperate need of a haircut, and I was looking for a new style.  After falling asleep in front of VH-1’s “I love the 80’s,” I decided on an “up-do” with a big poofy poof at the top.

I dropped in at Ehrlich’s Old Tyme Barber Shoppe for Unstylish White Men because I had a coupon, but they refused to create the look I was after. They mumbled something about Baltimore Liberals and their uppity do’s as I was leaving. What’s up with that? Do not let that man cut your hair!

Anyway, right next door was another salon, where I also had a coupon, and they gave me the exact look I was seeking.  My hair now all blonde and shiny rising high above my scalp, catching the sun and reflecting with a thousand points of light, with a rakish forelock covering one eye. It was so 80’s!

I decided to run over to the park with a lake that needs a new name. And so I ran, I ran so far away. I just ran. Couldn’t get away. And that is where I saw them. A large number of adorable waterfowl. How many I don’t know, it was a whole herd of them. No, A pride? A pack?  No, wait… lemme think… Of course! A flock! A flock of seagulls!

 

Getting them to love me was easy. I just stapled some french fries on the shoulder pads of my artfully ripped The Breakfast Club t-shirt and they flew right up.

You may have seen me walking through the neighborhood with my Seagull Army, err, Air Force. We had joy, we had fun… But when I awoke, I was alone, these birds had flown.

So if you see them, say hello – they might be in Tangiers. Or in a dumpster behind Pepe’s.

And if you have time give them a french fry and tell them I miss them. Tell them I will give them all the crusts from my next Roberto’s Pizza.

Which is where you should eat.  It’s right across the street from O/Malley’s Antiques.

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