I realize that you have all waited a long time to make up your minds on the whole Springwell development plan and you needed to know, “What Would Ned Do?” (“WWND” bumper stickers and t-shirts coming soon to the merchandise section of our online Dunklegifts site .


Ned idiot sweat

Well, friends, your wait is over. Here’s exactly what needs to happen. But first, I am still upset that they changed the name of the Wesley Home to Springwell. Don’t ask why,but it had nothing to do with springs or wells or John Wesley. That’s reason enough to deny their zoning variance, if you ask me.

Anyway, all the talk about the proposed changes at Springwell got my mind a-reelin.’ Then one fine spring evening when I was out walking the cats it hit me, BAM! (And friends, you really must do something about those overhanging branches.)

The Wesley Drive-In Theater.

Seems so obvious now, doesn’t it? Just like the old days. You remember the old days, don’t you? You pull into a drive-in, and find a place to park. You hop into the backseat, where you know it’s nice and dark. You’re just about to move in, thinkin’ it’s a breeze,there’s a light in your eyes and then a guy says “Out of the car, Longhair!” Well, that’s how I remember it anyway.

But if you were deprived as a child and as an adult you have never been able to find Bengies, Maryland, that’s an even better reason to get on board right now with my campaign to turn Springwell into a giant drive-in movie theater.

Picture it! A picnic grove lit by a thousand Japanese lanterns, quadraphonic sound speakers in the trees or optional Bluetooth connected high-quality headphones that work from anywhere on the field. You can take the edge off the summer heat with an ice cold Nipsicle(Pat.Pend.) (www.nipsicles.com).

The screen is right off the crest of the hill above the athletic field and the wasted open grass field becomes a nice parking lot. Admission is only $10 a carload (20% off with your MWIA Member Value CardTM). But electric cars must pay extra.

And of course the whole Springwell facility would be redesigned with all the rooms having balconies atop the hill facing the screen, which would operate year-round. Coming soon: Science Fiction Double Feature Picture Show (by RKO)!

There’s only one thing that would make this idea even better: your old pal Ned sitting down front by the screen, mic’ed up good and loud, so the Springwell residents can hear, and providing running commentary to the movies. We could call it Mount Washington Theater 3000 (MWT3K).

Is this not a win-win-win for everybody? You know you love it. You’re welcome. Just don’t forget to floss.


Originally oublished in the Mount Washington Imporovement Association Newsletter July/August 2014