What is that rustling noise? Who opened the attic window? Why is the candle flickering? Who moved my car keys? …. Oooooo spooky scary!
Yes, neighbors, Halloween may be over, but our little village is full of strange spirits, and I am not talking about Uncle Mac’s homemade Huckleberry Absinthe. I’m talking about apparitions, spirits, hauntings, visitations, unchained souls trapped between worlds. I’m talking about … Ghosts.
And I want you to be the very first to know that DunkleBoos!TM, my guided ghost tours of Mount Washington, are now available every evening. Call for a reservation. And yes, we do offer a discount to MWIA card holders, yet another privilege of membership.
On the DunkleBoos! TM Tour you will hear the chilling tales of the many ghosts that move among us, including:
The Ghost of a Chance – the rather unpopular spirit of Martin O’Malley’s presidential campaign – undead before it really lived. Scary.
You will thrill to the ancient legend of the Ghost Train of Ken Oak Road. Who hasn’t sat straight up in bed, drenched in night sweat, after hearing that whistle blow as if it were right in your front yard?
You will shriek in horror at the legendary ghost of The Hairdresser Who Knew Too Much. It wasn’t her fault, there’s something about having someone else wash your hair that just makes you open up. But then late one night, right behind the salon… Can’t tell you, gotta buy a ticket!
All horse racing fans know that on certain nights when all is quiet you can hear the thundering hooves of the Ghost of Barbaro finally crossing the finish line at Pimlico.
A new addition to the tour just arrived this summer. The ghost of Robert E. Lee hovers above the dam at Lake Roland. In a Ouija board tweet he explained that he was “totally cool with changing the name” as he had no idea why they named it after him in the first place. So scary.
Even my own home is on the tour as the ghost of Hechinger’s past still haunts my basement… weathered shopping bags filled with unused paint brushes and sandpaper and various screws and fittings that neither fit nor screwed.
Then there is the ghost at the Boy Scout Memorial that offers to help you cross the street, but when you turn to thank him he vanishes into the mist and there you are, stuck on the side of the street by the dark scary ravine, next to an enormous pile of mulch. Terrifying.
Oh yes, there are many more weird and spooky stories, including:
The Phantom of the Octagon;
The ghost of the northwest skating rink… tragically killed before its time;
The goblin that moves the neighbor’s mail into your mailbox;
The spirit of the missing half of that house on Falls Road where the cigar store is.
And finally we will meet and have espresso with the troll that lives in the tunnel under the JFX. Not a ghost, of course, but that troll brews a wicked cup of java. And he promised us we will Eat Roberto’s Pizza.